Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Rearranging Things that I don't like that I do to Affirmations - 6/23/2010

I don't like that I back down from my mom when she calls me a name and I automatically feel like it is my fault
- I recognize that when someone tells me I did something I have the right to decide if I did that or not.

What Is Being Myself Versus Not Being Myself? - 6/23/2010

-When I have an emotion, I let myself feel it.
-When I have to go to the bathroom, I excuse myself or ask someone to unlock their door so I can go.
-When I have an emotion built up, I allow myself to feel it, because feeling it and thinking in my head is not connected to someone else's brain. What I think is not audible to others.

Recovery from Codependency Affirmations - set 1 - 6/22/2010

-I can accept responsibility for my emotions, even when other people contributed to their cause. I allow others to take responsibility for their emotions, too. I allow feelings to be in whomever they're in and people to take responsibility for getting their feelings out.
-I can safely and comfortably feel and express emotions where I live, work, and socialize now, and in any groups I attend.
-I don't medicate with alcohol, food, drugs, sex, work, shopping, or acting out. I don't avoid pain for a long time. I notice and take note of pain as I feel it, and figure out the cause so I can plan a change that will prevent it, or alleviate more of it, in the future.
-I understand the signals when something is up emotionally. I know what my emotional process is.

(it comes up in me, I get confused, I think it may be the other person, it is just me, I try and hide it, the best thing to do is recognize it first as my own pain.
-I recognize my emotions as mine, as separate from emotions someone else can feel.
-I release anger as soon as I become aware of it and anything I'm supposed to learn. I learn anything that my anger teaches me. I don't need resentments for protection; I can set boundaries without being mad.
-"An eye for an eye" leaves two people half-blinded. When someone emotionally or mentally abuses me, I do not abuse them back, but I say what I felt was wrong about what they did and state what boundaries I have. I don't tolerate people calling me names. If you call me names repeatedly, I do not speak with you until you can respect me.
-I can detach and protect myself from negativity or anger that's projected at me.

-I can competently deal with anger. I know when I'm feeling it, and I know feeling it isn't wrong. I can feel it whether it's justified or not, and without feeling guilt. I can express anger without attacking and with love.
-When people appropriately express anger about something I did, I can listen without becoming defensive or feeling attacked.

Codependency Questions - 6/22/2010

What can I come to accept about my relationship with my mom?
I may never be close to my mom.

What can I come to accept about my relationship with Michael?
That we are not together. Michael and I are not romantic partners anymore. I can accept that I still care about him, but I don't want to be with Michael because I don't love him. I feel like I love him, but I think I just care about him. I think I have one foot in the door, but I don't have both feet in the door. He doesn't trust me emotionally fully.

What can I come to accept about the relationship between Rena and I?

How do I try to control others?
When I speak with Shivana today, I tried say what I wanted to do based on what I thought she wanted, therefore trying to control her satisfaction with the resulting situation. Shivana doesn't have to like the same things I do. A friend and I can like two different things and still be friends.