Having a mother who has BPD was not a walk in the park.. and being a mother isn't either. I realize that if I want to stop the insecure emotional attachment and regulation patterns that came in my own life that I need to learn about the sinkholes or quicksand spots of my own reactions in various and continuous parenting situations. I also need to come to terms with what parenting actually means, how long it would take, how having a child would mean a continuing relationship with that child for the rest of my life, and the fears that I have regarding that kind of relationship. That would include the norms and regulations of how active I need to be in my son or daughter's life, and in general, the sick-to-my-stomach anxiety I would have regarding having a child. Also, it could be entirely lovely and I could have more love in my life than I can imagine. What help is it to worry about the future? Not much, except preparation by understanding the emotions that I have regarding it now.
In line with this thinking, how can I ever be open to parenting if I ever had kids if I don't experience the present now......................
In order to be actually comfortable with emotional displays of a child, I need to actually be okay with it.
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