- need to learn about how to not project
sometimes I imagine what the other person is feeling and then tell myself it is my own.. it is true. every emotion that i think another person has is in fact my own emotion I am projecting, in the body or mind.
need to look at the belief that I need to have sex. when I have sex and I push myself when I don't actually feel relaxed, it is bad, almost like I am being pushed by another person. I disassociate that I am the one pushing myself. the belief that I have to have sex whether i actually feel anything or not comes out of another world.. I don't know what to think or how to unravel.. or tell myself something new.. or feel something different... I feel part of my reliance on sex is that I have relied on it for so much of my adolescence and young adult life to guide me through social experience.. and how to conduct myself, or how to feel rewarded... what I need to strive for, aim for... instead of all the other things I can do with my life that might be rewarding, but I have to persevere, make mistakes, do things wrong. I feel so guilty about doing things wrong, I need to realize that I don't need to punish myself.. no one is punishing me..
dustin and I were talking about how people confuse happiness and validation... happiness being anything that makes you happy and validation being based on fear, thinking that you are happy because someone likes what you are doing. I need to write out a list of thoughts that I am only happy about because of validation and thoughts I am happy about for themselves.
sometimes right after I feel like I do something wrong, I reassure myself that I can make up for it in sex.
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